Hardship & Heartbreaks

This is a hard topic for sure. Recently I’ve been through a lot and sometimes it gets to a point where I feel like giving up . To the point where I wonder why all this hardship and struggle lands on my back all the sudden. I go through so much mental strain from the world around me . And throw in the strain in my heart from cutting things off with someone , It feels like someone is squeezing my heart and making it struggle to pump. I fucking hate emotions sometimes.

I’m going to post some poetry to understand these emotions a little better I guess. Maybe I’ll look back at this blog when I’m older and see how far I’ve come.


My heart breaks in two for you

you made me feel something

you revealed something

I buried long ago

& now I carry this weight

5 tons on my shoulders

Rocks in my heart like boulders

I loved you & I still do

I try to forget by focusing on putting bills through

your still there

still there

bury my mind at work

still there

still there….

These tears are heavy

each time they come I’m never ready

Its pain

My soul aches

I wish it was your face I saw when I wake

you brought me joy

like christmas morning to a little boy

Your presence was a present

and I never got sick of it

But this feeling was one way

I fall in love too fast

do you blame me?

I wish you the best

Thank you for everything.


Accompanying Art Piece 

I just got the idea to create an art piece for each piece of poetry . I feel like it really gives the art piece meaning and substance. Not just some pretty picture that looks nice. I feel like a lot of artists don’t do that . They just make a piece and its hard to peple to understand the artists point of view unless they are directly told. But I think good art should speak for itself. The artist doesnt have to be there. even if the artist is long dead , or missing. The message remains for others to understand. thats the power of it. To create an impact on people, to help people understand this crazy world we live in just a little better. To connect us through something we can all understand. To bring people together , to share laughs, sorrow, pain, joy, and everything life has to offer. Because we are all in this together. There’s no ” I ” or ” Me”. Just “Us ” and “We” .

Here is the art piece , I made it for the girl in the poem. She loved elephants and Peony flowers. This one’s for you E.C

Inner Balance

Starting to get settled into the research position now at the CDCI and the Taylor institute. One thing I really like about working here is that I have creative freedom to express myself. It’s really cool to be able to let my ideas flow from my mind and make them reality. I was thinking about that other day. Everything around me that is manmade was once an idea floating around in someone’s head and they made it a reality. Reminds me of a quote I saw before, the only difference between reality and dreams is action, also, the graveyard is the richest place on earth. I guess what these both mean is that everyone has good ideas no matter who you are. You may hear your inner voice tell you “No that’s not a good idea! “Or “Don’t do it, it’s too hard”. Each of us are our own worst critic, no matter what anyone says about your work or you, no one is as hard on you as yourself. However there is no bigger fan than yourself as well. I feel like everyone should strive for internal balance. We have so much going on in our everyday lives that we forget to turn our attention to ourselves. That’s what us so, unique as…. A human? Our sense of self-awareness. Nobody calls you out on your B.S more than yourself. Yeah I don’t know where I’m going with this. These are just my everyday thoughts. I feel like the whole office would benefit from a group meditation. Hell I’d run that. All in all I really like working here, plus free coffee and tea. I can’t really handle the coffee yet though lol. I was vibrating in my seat last time I drank it. Anyways that’s all for today.

P.S I’ve included an art piece I’ve done relating to inner balance. A little detail about the art piece. I was at a really low point in my life where I was drinking heavily just to dull the pain of not knowing what to do with my life and anxiety I felt from everything. I felt like I was drinking myself to death. But at that low point in my life is where I really found to accept and embrace both sides of myself and really begin to love myself. Only once I was able to do that was I able to balance out my inner workings of my mind.












Buddhacris signing out